Showing up is easy. Becoming the single gentleman people actually want around often takes a little more work.
Single gentlemen sometimes get a bad rap in the lifestyle. Some of it isn't deserved.
Some single gentlemen... well... we've met that “gentleman” too.
The great single gentlemen aren't necessarily the youngest, best-looking, richest, or the gentleman whose profile claims he's “very well endowed.”
Isn't it interesting that no single gentleman ever describes himself as adequately equipped and reasonably competent?
We're going to tell you how to succeed in the swinger lifestyle even if you don't have a ten-inch anaconda between your legs.
Because despite what you may have been led to believe... your penis isn't your résumé.
Before technique, equipment or bedroom heroics... start by being social, clean and enjoyable company. Radical concept, we know.
We’ll give you the part that matters first. Want the rest? Open “More Insight.”
Wow, we know... this is going to be hard, and not the good kind of hard.
Go to meet-and-greets, parties, trips and events because you enjoy people. Become someone others know and like... not the gentleman circling the room looking for... well, a wet hole.
Take a bath just before going. Do not bathe in cologne. Brush your teeth.
Wear nice clothes. No, we are not talking about $100 shirts... just something nicer than a T-shirt unless that is the theme.
Trim your nails... all of them. You never know if a lady might be into feet. We are not kidding.
The short answer is simple: you're approaching a couple. The longer answer is where a lot of Single Gentlemen get themselves into trouble.
The quickest way to lose the invitation is to make one half of the couple feel like an obstacle between you and the person you really want.
Talk to both of them. Compliment both of them. Ask questions of both of them. When play is being discussed, make sure both of them still feel like part of the conversation.
You are approaching a couple... not a lady who happens to have inconvenient furniture standing beside her.
This one is very important. You are not there to pretend her partner is invisible.
For the first 30 minutes, maybe more, the conversation should be mostly to him, with questions about what she likes mixed in with normal everyday conversation.
Yes, you have to figure this out on your own. Judy can't be on the phone listening to your conversation and giving you lead-ins.
If he leans into her for her to answer, go back to him for a follow-up. “Are you going to just watch?” “Do you like to kiss her while we're in action?” Ask her the limits, then ask him what he would enjoy seeing and make sure it is okay with her.
The biggest thing you are doing is keeping him involved in the conversation.
Confidence is attractive. A sexual résumé with dimensions and endurance records is considerably less impressive than real conversation.
Being self-assured can be as intoxicating as the wine in her hand. If you get to this point, her partner should be giving you the go-ahead signs.
Judy has been dealing with Single Gentlemen for years. Somehow Hugh keeps writing about it.
The advice is here. The stories of what actually happened... those somehow ended up in the books.
Why is butter the key to the first date?
Book 1 on Amazon
Is there a stripper in our bed?
Book 2 on Amazon
What is a Grilled Dicky Award?
Book 3 on Amazon
What is an Energizer Unicorn?
Book 4 on Amazon
Two men in Judy's bed... a unicorn for a week... apparently we weren't finished.
Book 5 on AmazonGetting invited once is nice. Becoming the Single Gentleman a couple actually trusts enough to invite again is better.
If you make plans, show up... on time. If something changes, communicate.
Somehow, someway. Even Roman candles if you have them.
Better to be early, have a small drink to ease your nerves and maybe make conversation easier.
Start with a compliment for both of them. For her... maybe a lovely outfit. For him... what an amazing lady.
Couples remember the gentleman they can trust, even when they may think the compliment is not quite sincere.
Yes, you paid a lot of money to get here, but that does not mean anybody owes you sex.
If a couple or person is hesitant, back off. If they are interested, it should generally be clear without having to wear them down.
We're talking about sites like SLS, SDC, Kasidie and the other places where couples and singles meet. Before you ever get to the room, you have to survive the inbox.
If a profile says “No single men,” believe it. You are not the exception they forgot to mention.
It means no single men.
You can certainly look at their profile, but do not be creepy and do not contact them anyway.
If they see something they like about your profile, they can reach out to you. You are not going to impress everyone, and you do not need to.
“Hello.” “Hey.” “What's up?” Those are not introductions.
Try something that shows you actually looked at the profile: “I saw your photos and you two look like an interesting couple. Take a moment and look over my profile and let me know what you think.”
Notice something? We included him.
You are approaching a couple. Be prepared to talk with him as much as... and sometimes more than... you talk with her.
Do not send a dick pic unless they ask for one.
Hopefully you can talk and write well enough to make somebody interested in the person attached to it.
If not... run what you are about to send through AI.
Everything you can remember. What's a no, what's a yes and what's an “I don't know yet.”
The rules conversation happens before the clothing starts coming off... not halfway through when somebody suddenly discovers an objection.
There is more, but some things you have to figure out.
This is not one-on-one instruction. You didn't pay enough for those lessons.
You are going to hear no. Maybe often. That is part of being a Single Gentleman in the lifestyle.
Do not argue, pout, demand an explanation or send a nasty message. Nobody came here for drama, and drama has a nasty habit of ruining future possibilities.
Smile, step away and be gracious. Something as simple as, “Maybe another time then...” works just fine.
The goal isn't getting invited into bed once. It's getting those repeat encore performances... often.
Good performances get good recommendations, and pretty soon your dance card will be full most weekends.
If you made it this far, you may be serious. Or you have a very long lunch break.
Terms, abbreviations and things nobody explained before you joined the lifestyle.
Read the Dictionary →Questions people really ask when they are trying to figure out how all this works.
Read the FAQs →We go to the places, look around and tell you what we actually think.
See Club Reviews →Travel with us on unforgettable lifestyle vacations, cruises, and scuba adventures.
Really you are going to miss being chased around naked in the nude pool? The friends, the body shots and the playroom?
Hedo InformationSeven nights from San Juan with Bob from Naughty in Nawlins... five Caribbean ports, being naughty when we can, best of all no kids. Leave your panties at home.
See the Virgin CruiseFour nights... playrooms, parties, clothing optional deck and get away from the winter cold. We can find you a cabin. Hold on to your knickers.
See the Bliss CruiseSexy Silvers naughtiest week ever, after this your body will need a vacation. Don’t wait... it sells out fast.
Hedo Information12 days, 8 ports. Bucket list, Certainly. F_ck it list, Probably. Any more questions.
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